More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
