Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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