So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Quick, to the slutcave!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
