Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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