Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
