I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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