it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
