my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
