I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
