best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
