Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
