Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
