I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
