I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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