My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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