Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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