so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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