: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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