i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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