last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize