Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
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So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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