I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
