I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
