So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
