It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
