How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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