I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
