Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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