i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
