So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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