He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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