I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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