can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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