just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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