you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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