I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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