I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
operation have a gay friend backfired
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
