When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
there is glitter all over my balls
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