he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
