I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
