i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
