I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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