We're like a lot better than the average bears
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
