he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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