he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
