Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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