When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I had your ass I would rule the world
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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