So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
