a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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