I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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