Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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