I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize