She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
