I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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