I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All the doctor said was why
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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