i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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