He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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