2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
