I'm jealous of your bromance
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
