Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
