Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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