you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
