I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
