i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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