hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He felt like a one man threesome
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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