Is it normal to miss your booty call?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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