Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
