how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
