Whod you bang
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
4 words: hood of his car
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
