The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
