Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
