i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
