at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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