i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
