What a fucking waste of an outfit
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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