I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we made out on top of his cat.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
