For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
