this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
