I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
