She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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