If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
