That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
