Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
