Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
