why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize