I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
