a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
