I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
