It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
